Home For The Holiday

Recenty returned from my trip home to Indy for the holiday. I had a good time hanging with the fam, and even helped ol' pops with some yard work. His method of raking the leaves, putting them in a giant rubbermaid tub, stomping on them, and then dumping the stomped leaves in the backyard ("Michael its like mulch!") didnt make much sense. I told him actually bagging the leaves would go so much faster if I raked and he got in the bag, and then I handed him the leaves, now that makes sense. This was all well, till I snapped the rake in half, and damn near knocked myself out with the handle. No love lost, should have seen that one coming, when people are selling their rake at a garage sale there is usually a reason for it. The whole notion of "buyer beware" doesnt cross my dads mind, hes all about the "steals" and "deals" ("a rake for a dollar?! Quick lets get out of here before they change their mind"). Long story short, with half a rake and a snow shovel we finished the job and headed inside for some much needed r & r (See below).

Remote Rope No More

My fathers ingenious invention the remote rope no longer is the apple of his eye, hes upgraded to a Shrek sized remote. Where in the hell did he find this thing?

Stuck between a rock and planning a bomb threat

Just a quick update, I was informed through an email today that Target is not interested in employing me, which is too bad because I look good in red. I guess it wasn't meant to be, but at least Costco called to break my heart.

I miss Irvs!!!!

Hardest working man in "No-biz"

Great news folks, I found a job! The hours suck, it doesnt really pay anything, but I only have to share an office with two others, and they use a liter box so I have my own bathroom. No need to put down toilet paper now, plus Im not embarrassed to walk in with some reading material, because I dont care what they think Im doing in there, they are cats. Thats right I have two cats and I am self-employed unemployed.

I never thought I would actually be working harder looking for work than I ever have actually working for actual money, but its true. The hunt isnt exactly going the way I like my hunts to go. I wake up, check out craigslist, take about an hour and apply to all the random "office assistant" jobs I can find, then I hit up the hospitality/restaurant section and map out my days plan of attack. Next, I hit the warshroom, then I strap on my boots, feed my co-workers and make sure they have some water for the day, and then hit the trails.

Whats even more depressing about my situation is that as I walk into the Peter's Pubs and Larry's Lounges' I am not the only one there to find a job. I have to sift my way through the crowd of desperate bretheren to fill out an application that will most likely become fire kindling, because the first pair of boobs that came in got the job (cant say I blame them, hopefully they were nice and belonged to a female). So after I exit, head hanging in defeat, I return to my map and head towards the next Peter's or Larry's. I dont like to veer too far off course, but in between my planned destinations I stop at whatever retail or mega store that catches my eye (thats right I recently entered Phase III - retail, never thought Id be back after my stint at Arnold's Mens Store). But if there is one thing Ive learned at my new job it is, never say never.

At about dinner time, Im usually near or at the edge of my 5 mile radius boundary and decide to head back to the office before it gets too dark. But the day doesnt end there, oh no, no, no, as Ive been gone craigslist has been updated throughout the day, so once Im home and after a quick game of string with my associates I get a headstart on tomorrows game plan. No 9-5 here folks, being self-employed unemployed is a 24 hour job, no room for slackers, after all thats what got me into this mess, and until Im employed employed theres no hanging up these boots.


P.S.

Since when does Target have a screening process that rivals the CIA. I spent an hour answering their 20 page questionnaire "When people insult you, you get angry... 1) strongly agree, 2)agree....", seriously Target?!?!? Cut to the chase, you really mean, when you are working as a cashier at Target and a customer calls you an idiot for double swiping their 80 gallon jug of Tide will you punch them in their face?

So whats the deal with unemployment? It must be my face.

Seriously, wtf?!?!?!?

I am a college graduate. I have been out in the workforce, I have worked hard, and tasted success. Now I cant get this shit taste of unemployment out of my mouth.

In the past 3 weeks I have been to probably 30 restaurants, 10 coffee shops, I have applied to who knows how many shady jobs on craigslist and I have absolutely nothing to show for it, except an empty gas tank, a dialogue box on my computer that says I need printer ink immediately, and 6 messages from a guy named Ashley who wants to talk to me about an opportunity in real estate marketing.

It must be my face.

I cant think of any other reason. Think of the odds, 30 restaurants, 10 coffee shops, and NONE of them are hiring. I understand times are tough, but something is going on here. Maybe its because they think I am over-qualified, but that never made sense to me, would a basketball team turn away a player because he was "too good" or because he could "jump too high". I am not trying to toot my own horn and suggest that I am too good to work in a restaurant or bar, I am, but thats not the point, its hard work, but its not rocket science and I have done it before. My resume is solid enough, and Im a nice guy, I think I am likeable, but Im not getting any bites.

I think its my face.

My first blog

My mom would be so proud. My very first blog.
Which would make this her first grandblog. Actually, Crap! now that I think of it, I believe my sister has a blog where she writes about her experiences looking at female vaginas, shes an OBGYN. So that disgusting dirty Dr. blog would make this my mothers second grandblog, which by default means her second favorite blog. We all know there is no competing with that 1st grandchild, and Im assuming the same rules apply to blogs. I can never win, ARGH!!!!
I cant really write either, notice I mention my sisters experiences with "female" vaginas, is there any other kind? If so, I have a new homepage, c'mon sis I need stories!
But it does make sense, how can I, who does nothing, has nothing to write about, compete with a Dr.'s blog about babies and vaginas? I can't, women love that stuff, they eat it up.
So big sis, I concede, you win again.

I am sure there is an audience out there for a blog about unemployment.